( Note: writings from living off the grid in a mountain cabin outside Santa Fe. 2011-2013 )
Where I live, life gets raw and real ….fast! There are no masks to hide the truth of creation, death, beauty, the unbelievable, obstacles, the humbleness, and the value of momentary victories.
Bears stroll by my windows in the moonlight, coyote packs howl a mere feet from my slumbering head in my bed. Every afternoon, lightening threatens to destroy in flames the home that nourishes my soul, my essence, my existence. The water well could dry at any moment or a three day storm can rob me, at the most inopportune times, of the solar that powers my electricity . Bones of unknown origin emerge from the silty sand after a monsoon rain and the realities of having to manage a composting toilet can be the most annoying task. There are consecutive days when the only human in my presence is my own SELF….and my own company is not always a welcoming experience.
But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because there is also a flip side.
I am so intricately tied to this land that deep inside I know, it could be my own bones that one day breech the surface after being cleansed by the desert mountain rains. The flip side is I live in a small private cabin built into a rose quartz vein on the side of a secret mountain canyon. This area is lovingly referred to as “Yoni Mountain” by some. The raw elemental power that is available to work with here is amplified to infinity. The ancient feminine wisdom, the truth of creation, of GAIA and her life force energy and her never ending cycles is the only reality. It is the most amazing place I have ever known. I have lived here for two years and already I have become a integral part of this land.
I recognize my own power. I know this land is the way I experience it here and now ONLY because I exist here and validate her realness. I have allowed her to infuse my cells, my source. The beauty that abounds takes my breath away daily. The insights and wisdom shared with me through all the creatures and beings here is undeniably ancient. I cherish and treasure every gift received and offer in return my unwavering gratitude and awe.
But, the power lies in knowing that I am not Separate! I am not just a witness or observer. I’m not a tourist or a visitor. I am not just looking at a pretty picture or brochure. I AM this LAND!
At the beginning of my time here, this power frightened me. That power combined with fear put me through scenarios that many would not have survived. But, I did. I did not parish. I did not run. I stayed. I let it all become part of who I am.
Yesterday, I visited my power spot amongst the cedar grove where I built my labyrinth fire pit. I found my old cherished owl print that had been folded into a tree during one of my fear induced fits. I pulled out my wild New Mexico Turkey Feather that sat worn in the center of the altar tree stump. I found my little water jar with glitter still lining its insides. I placed all of these items in the center of the labyrinth on top of a pile of sticks that had been prepared for a fire before all our fire bans went into effect. I chuckled knowingly at the sticks and how they had fallen resembling what the runes must have looked like when they first appeared to Odin as he hung upside down from Yggdrasil for nine days.
After a moment of silence and prayer and offering, I began walking back to my cabin. I noticed a stick upon the ground. At first I almost leaped backwards as its’ resemblance to a snake was quite uncanny. I knew it was for me. I knew I had advanced to a new level. I was now being entrusted to be a keeper of this ancient wisdom. The responsibility had fallen to me to ensure the survival of such knowledge. I had been handed the scepter so to speak……GAIA was granting me the position of High Priestess. It is now up to me to do her justice. To continue to be one who is intricately connected to this ancient planet and all our ancestors. To be one who NEVER forgets where we came from and what we are capable of. To continue to pass it on.
There was a time when I was afraid of this power. I was afraid to carry it, to be it, to express it and to act from it in my daily life. I was afraid of judgement, afraid of being scorned and shunned if I made it too obvious or fully embraced it. ( I must have been burned at the stake in a previous life or something). So, I sugar coated it all and kept it in check. But, not anymore!
Today, I celebrate the WILD WOMAN that I have become. I accept the role of High Priestess of this Land where I live, love and foreseeably will die! Repeatedly. I am ready to honor that which has been gifted me.