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blue jay feather

I was naive. I thought they would always be there…..the hawks. But, after the deliverance of their monumental message and lessons in this post, they virtually disappeared. The nest emptied in my absence.  The high shrill calls accompanied by the sounds of huge wing spans catching the air currents ceased. Every pass I made, nothing. No tail wagging to signal danger and order a securing of the perimeters. No circling and disorienting the potential threat.

The area around the cottonwood trees is like a ghost town. An old matted blue jay wing, probably the remnants of a final meal, lay scattered on the earthen floor. Huge webs of caterpillar nests have taken over the leaves of the old growth trees where once the Hawks reigned. I did see one adult hawk a mile away from the nest as it took off from a field of sage at sunset. Gone as quick as I spotted it. I think it was just a migrator….not MY hawk family.

I missed them. I am missing them. And yet, I can’t help but be humble and grateful for the moments we did share. For the medicine they offered. For the prayers they delivered and were answered. For the magic and hope they kept alive in me during the times I thought I would fall apart and be lost to the abyss. For the faith they restored in my soul when I felt I had lost everything. This momentary relationship between things that normally wouldn’t relate created a special unspoken language of understanding.  A sacred dance of spirits.

But, this is life. This is love. It is fleeting. It is momentary. If we are not fully immersed and experiencing and in relationship with it…..what are we? Not human, that’s for sure. And yet the hang up of humans is that we can get hung up, attached. We get entangled in our own desires and expectations. We create a story in our minds that we hope will play out and if it doesn’t we suffer.

So, although I miss my hawks, I doubt they miss me. And that is OK. The moments we had were precious. I am stronger, evolved, more aware and empowered than I was a mere month ago before their arrival. The ultimate lesson is that I receive without expectation……..and that sharing their story and medicine, perhaps, they will continue to be treated with respect and reverence!

And THIS is the GIFT.