Welcome Back : Your Roots Have Been Waiting

Long ago, in a not to distant past, I found the power to change in the darkest of places.

Freya Aswyn in Northern Mysteries and Magic speaks of Shamanic magic as,

” an intuitive , spur-of-the moment application. A catalyst in the magician’s emotion, or deep rooted feeling, or the emotion felt at a moment of pressure. In this type of magic, the magic energy comes from the immediacy of the feeling. “

Such has been my personal experience for now almost half my life. Yet, it’s interesting that up until this point, these catalyst emotional power points that transmute the experience and the shaman, for me, have been from places of perceived pain, suffering, trauma and oppression. I wonder, can the opposite also be true? Can these powerful reincarnations be created from a place of ecstatic bliss?

I don’t want to say : created from “love,Light, and healing”….this seems to just be bait in waiting for guilt and shame to fester and grow. It’s like, If I’m not creating now in only Love, Light and Healing then I’m a piece of shit. And besides, I just did a whole rant on this “healing, we need to be fixed mentality” in my newsletter where I demanded that WE ARE NOT BROKEN! (wanna read it? sign up here).

So, what is a Shaman do? A Seidr of Northern descent?

I connect to my roots. These time tested mythologies of my ancient people, the Norse.  Who in turn were intimately living with and connected to Earth and the Cosmos. I love the stories and players of these scripts and old wisdom. They make me feel at home in a world that at times seems so unfamiliar and destined for destruction…anyway. I have these particular wild woods, where there is a tree, my Odin tree, where the Runes are always speaking through the branches both on the tree and the ground. I used to live in these woods. I ventured there weekly, daily, seasonally. They were my lifeline through all that cataclysmic pain, suffering and oppression. And they were my instant line to ancient kin, the earth and divine. Where I would go in despair and after I picked myself up out of the deep dark wet funk, inspiration and revelation unfurled.

But, I try not to get too caught up in dogma…religion…even if it is a blood and bone lineage I know deep in my cellular make-up.

So, I was all connected..you know..through trauma. Then life booted me out of these woods. And the man I loved but also was a mirror of all my pain, got to stay. And so I stopped going to these woods. And I left my Odin tree, my Yggdrasil…my portal out of darkness.

And I swam around in Chaos for a few years…you know….finding surface lifeboats to jump into and keep moving along. Sometimes going back to the mirror, just to access the woods. So it seems in hindsight. (truly though, I did believe the union could all be “fixed” and “healed”) I digress…

And then I said…….Fuck it! Those are my WOODS, my ROOTS, my HOME, my KIN…..I can visit anytime I want…and they began to call me back. Beckon me. Tempting me with the coolness on the air and the ominous, mysterious ” you know you want some” clouds nestled up against the tree tops on the mountain high.

“Come…come….. pack up your bag, bring your essentials and come lay in my presence, be seduced, let me remind you what lay in waiting for you here”

And so I did. Less than 2 steps on the trail of my pilgrimage did there lay a raven tail feather in pristine condition.. Yes, my ancestors were still here..it was their whispers I was hearing. Afterall, Odin does have two ravens (thought and memory) that go out into the world to bring him messages and news.  And I did the walk. And I lay in the grass under that Odin tree. And I let myself get lost in all of it. I witnessed myself, I lay on the earth loving her. I listened to the bees and leaves on a gentle breeze as pine cones fell to the damp wet floor.  I read the messages in the branches while laying on my back upon a handmade quilt crafted years ago by my own hand. I watched the clouds roll by and begin to build. I laughed with Thor who began his rumble in the near distance. I read my book and played with Freya (my dog).  I felt my root chakra get heavy and grounded as I once again tapped into my ancient roots.

Up until  now, I had been living up in the highest of leaves….even trying to keep the burnt, dead and gone attached long beyond their life span…I had tried to deny the natural forces and cycles of dying, releasing, letting go taking place in and outside of myself.

But, you know what was different in my ancient woods this time? I didn’t have to be in a perceived space of pain, suffering and trauma to access the transformational power. And I wasn’t forcing myself to be in a “trolly lolly la” (that’s a real word) Love, Light & Healing space either……I was in A MOMENT of ecstatic bliss with EARTH AND KIN. And I had arrived there by listening to the whispers once again. The whispers that assured me that tuning out the excess unnecessary noise of everyone else and following the magnetic pull no matter who or what might be out there was my birth right…I didn’t give my power away…I lived it.

And I am curious now. To do more of this….ecstatic blissful reincarnation dancing with ancient story and kin in the now for the future…for you know what…for the sake of my own frickin’ SOUL!

 

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