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Death of the Ideal.

I hope there is another side to a natal Moon in Pisces than pain. Deep, wide, vast, infinite emotional pain.

Unless you have Pisces somewhere in your natal chart,  home in either a water sign or a major planet such as the moon, this may be hard for you to understand.

Let’s pile on a few more aspects to a Natal Moon in Pisces. Add a Sun in Cancer.

Now, take into consideration  current times and their lessons are playing out through Pisces as the Sun is  in Pisces.  So, everyone on some level is experiencing a bit of their own version of this.

Pisces is the 12th house. The ending and the beginning. It is the accumulation of ALL the signs and their journey and life lessons. It is the ultimate death and the ultimate rebirth place of our psychological, emotional, and spiritual evolution….. as the individual and the whole.

With a Moon in Pisces…the place of feminine energy, depth of emotion, illusions, ancient wisdom and illumination…….Let’s just say I FEEL IT ALL!~ and I can’t control it nor make it not exist.

It can be viewed as hypersensitivity to the outside world and many respond to it by saying ” OH, just buck up, quit being so sensitive and emotional”.

I used to actually try to employ these tactics. It only resulted in suppressing my own truth and ultimately leading to huge eruptions of volatile emotions and pain.

I recently discovered these wise words from a dear friend this morning.  Sums it up completely.

We can just never tell how much pain a person is in…we just can’t. Another’s pain is truly an immeasurable thing. ~ Buddah

This morning…I couldn’t hold it back anymore. The pain was unbearable, and it released like a flood in the most unfavorable place…driving home on the highway.  Tears streaming down my face, the gasps taking my breath away, trying to see through what seemed like an ocean. I cried and I cried.

For all the pain in the world. For all the injustice and suppression. For all the ill, disrespect, and pain we unconsciously and consciously inflict upon each other. Upon this earth. Upon other living things.

It shatters my soul ! It breaks my heart ! It buries my spirit ! It leaves me aimless and adrift.

Why do we choose such things? WHY do we continue to to do this to each other? Ourselves? This planet?

It’s not necessary.

And then through the tears and the pain. I know. I see the truth. The veil is lifted.

It IS necessary.

Today’s Journal Entry ( 2014) :  Today the pain of humankind flowed through me, this one little soul. How can one soul carry and feel the pain of the entire Zodiac? WHY? It seems so unfair. Today my idealistic dreams for mankind died. They died and my veil was lifted……..the veil of illusion that I’ve carried in my soul since birth.  The dream of a world acting in kindness, respect, compassion, understanding and love as a whole.  The truth is…this is not reality. At least not right now. Not in these times.  We will continue to hurt and pain each other and this earth because the stories are so old, deep and automated. Because this is where the lessons are for many. And the lessons are what ultimately catalyze change and evolution. Because each and everyone of us has a role to play in OUR evolution.

I made my way back up the hill. Towards the light. Driving the long windy mountain road straight into the sun.  Back to the divine. I had cried the death of many souls and lifetimes.  Released a flood of emotion and pain. I had shed a skin. I had left my earthly children in the valley of chaos leaving behind parts of my own soul. The crow carrying a snake crossing my path let me know this death was true and that the great mystery was carrying me.

Clearing, Cleansing, releasing the notion that my ideals on a grand scheme level are not real. I recognize that it will take many many lifetimes to manifest.  I may never see its manifestation. So, I surrender.

I pray.

I ask for guidance.

“Please, please show me now, Source. What is MY role in this evolution.  Now? In these times. For I don’t want to live a lifetime in this much pain and illusion”.

I told you. Hard road. This Moon in Pisces Natal position.

But, seeing, accepting, and facing the reality is the first step.

I must trust that there is somewhere for me to fit in during these times. Even though I know ……. It is not what we are ultimately intended to be.

There must be some role for me.

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